It is a joy to be alone when you feel happy.
It is difficult to be alone when you feel sad. It is difficult to escape sadness when it decides to visit when you are alone.
The emotional pain is not as tormenting as the physical pain. Where your chest physically hurts all day and you know it is caused by the physiology of emotional pain...
It doesn't matter where you eat when you're on your own.. Sometimes when I get tired I just sit by the steps/ledges on the streets. It's the mental and emotional tiredness that feels like you just want to plop down and sit/lie there to take a break from it all... It doesn't matter if it's next to a busy road... It really doesn't...
I had a take away I planned to eat for dinner at home today.
Today, I didn't feel tired but the pang on my heart was too much to bare and I had to eat. I took my lunch spoon out and sat on a ledge which formed the borders of the Cadbury staff parking lot and sat there while I engulfed my bibimbap. When I'm not busy stuffing my mouth, I was staring in to space, deep in thoughts while I chew. The unkind ones, the unkind thoughts that speaks to me. When I felt full, I stopped, packed up and continued on home...
It doesn't matter where you eat or what you do when you are on your own. You don't care and surely, no one else cares. Nothing is appropriate or inappropriate when you are on your own.
I asked myself... "Where did my trust and open heartlessness to people go?"
Why are there only strangers in my world?
Why does strangers remain strangers even when I see them everyday?
Where has my trust in people gone?
Where has my openness to people gone?
Fear has engulfed them all. The past has engulfed them all.
I stood there and let it happen...