Being more like Me

I don't know why, ive been typing and deleting my FIRST paragraph over and over again for the last 10 minutes or so and I still havent started writing my thoughts down. It used to be so easy in the past.

Everyday is a new day. I feel like I've been saying yes to quite a few events that I would just normally brush off and not go to, and so far my new 'yes'es has been pretty good to me. I've met and talked to people that made me stop and think, open my eyes and realize there is so much more to learn about myself and the world.

I grew up feeling proud that I am the one who taught myself things, and fed my own brain, yet here i am now feeling numb, feeling like i don't think for myself, feeling like I don't truly have a voice of my own and all I am is a compilation of thoughts that originally belonged to someone else. A friend, a teacher, an author, an article, a coursemate, a random person on a random day that pisses away their opinions onto my face. I find it hard to disagree with anybody, all i do is nod my head and regard it as the truth.

What really is the truth? Is reading a controversial book or article really that useful? Do they speak the truth? Does the government and the newspapers speak the truth? Do your friends and family speak the truth? If I regard everything I read and most of what people say is true, yet believe that nothing is true for anybody until they experience it or test it out, then... What is my truth?  Does that mean I am just a bag of beliefs that dont even belong to me, my mind still belongs to the world and it does not belong to me.

Believing in everything is believing in nothing.

 I don't know my truth.

I don't know what I stand for.

What comes out of my mouth isnt even as close to what I do.

I feel like such a tiny person

A frog that lives in a well, never knowing what is true

 I thought I knew everything

I thought that I was smarter than everyone else

 I am merely a person who found pieces of information that a majority of people have not yet found

 But what am I amongst those who knows as much as me?

 They take it, the process it, they judge it and they make it their own

They think critically, they think for themselves...

They live in what they believe in

I feel like such a kid at 22, why do I still not get myself? I am not where I want to be mentally and physically. I strain to think and grow, internally I feel stagnant. But one day, I will find my truth and live my truth to the fullest, and I will make it happen.

I will be able to think critically and open mindedly

I will be able to freely open my arms to good change

I will live for me, under my own terms and have a voice

A voice strong enough to stand on its own, 

but gentle enough to let others have their own.

This year will be a year to learn